Tomorrow would be my mother’s 85th birthday, if she were alive. She died when she was just 66, from cancer in the lining of her lungs. They say she got it from inhaling cleaning fluids. That makes sense, Mom cleaned all the time. It also tells you why I don’t and when I do, I don’t buy anything that isn’t green. If I can’t clean green, I don’t clean.
Mom and I had a lot of issues, but it wasn’t anything personal. She had issues with absolutely everybody. My aunt told me, when Mom was dying, that Mom wanted to be just like her Aunt Libby. And Aunt Libby was only happy if she was giving someone Hell. Well Mom learned that personality trait real well.
We took turns, first my sister and I and my Dad and then when my sister left home, Dad and I. One of us was always in trouble with Mom. She wouldn’t get down on both of us at the same time, because she had to have someone to talk to so she could run the other one down. It was a horrific way to grow up.
But now she’s gone. I know that she was an unhappy person and she never figured out one thing about the truth of living. She read the Bible daily, she had little books of Bible sayings. They didn’t cut the crap one little bit. She would read this drivel (sorry) about how you should love your brother as yourself, and then she would complain that other people weren’t doing it right???????? She always saw other people’s failings in her readings, but never her own. It never dawned on her at all that she might have a fault or two.
Twenty years ago, on her 65th birthday, my son and I traveled down to where they lived. It was an 8 hour drive. We went out to eat for her birthday. My son, little idiot that he is, was begging food from his grandmother. Of course, I got in trouble because my son was misbehaved. I was at fault because my son asked her for something. It was my problem. He was overcompensating. Blah blah blah blah blah.
That night I gave her her card. It had $50 in it. She didn’t even thank me, but looked at Dad and said something about how she thought he could at least buy her a card for her 65th birthday. Oh boy, here we go again. She also said that from that day on she was only living for herself and no one else. God said no. He said sorry, you’re going to die in less than two years. You will be gone.
The next morning it was time to leave, thank God. I told my son to not eat one thing – nothing. I told him we would stop and eat after we left and we’d have a nice peaceful breakfast. We did that. We got out of there and I fed him without taking crap for him eating ……….
So poor Mom. She’s 85 tomorrow and I have few good memories but lots of harsh ones. I’m sorry we didn’t get along better, but I tried until I thought my back would break from bending over backwards. I had to stop trying to save my sanity. I wish I could have told her, all those years ago, that she didn’t need to be unhappy. But she wouldn’t have heard me anyway ……… I was one of the problems.
I hope you have a better life now Mom.